There has been a lot of talk about polyamory and people who have more than one partner. So how does it work? What are the advantages of polyamorous relationships? Are they real? Can it work? What are the myths about polyamory that people still believe in? Let’s take a closer look at these relationships and see what they have to offer. We will also cover some of the most common mistakes people make and the key to having a successful relationship with more than one partner.
What Does It Mean to Be Polyamorous?
The best place to start this discussion is at the beginning. So what is polyamory? It is a direct opposite of traditional monogamous relationships. It is a lifestyle where a person can have as many partners as they like. There are no restrictions, limitations, and for many people, this is what it means to be truly free.
The primary difference can be noticed in the names of these two types of relationships. Mono means one or single, while poly is a word used to describe many or several. Monogamous partners will spend time together, they will get married (or not), and they will never look for other partners — at least that’s how monogamous relationships work in theory.
Here, cheating is not allowed, and it is something many people across the world will condemn. Poly people can have as many relationships as they like. They can date other people if they feel like it and have intimate relationships with them.
People often associate the polyamorous lifestyle with the LGBTQ+ community, which is not necessarily true. While it is possible for LGBTQ+ members to live in polyamory, so is it for hetero relationships. Polyamory has nothing to do with gender identity or sexuality, and it just means that these people love having freedom regarding dating. So heterosexual people can also be polyamorous; this type of relationship isn’t exclusive for the LGBTQ+ community.
Types of Polyamorous Relationships
Now that we’ve covered what polyamory is, you should know that there are different types of polyamorous relationships. These are commonly known as relationship structures, and there are several most common types.
The first one is called vee. The name comes from the letter V, and it visualizes the relationships between three people. In this type, one person acts as a hinge or a pivot, and they are dating two other people. However, their two partners are not romantically or sexually involved with one another. They are also known as metamours, and they are dating the same person but have nothing to do with each other. It is possible for them to be aware of each other or even be friends, but that’s where their relationship ends.
Triad is the second type of relationship, and it also involves three people. However, the main difference here is that each person is romantically involved with others, forming a triangle. It is possible for a triad to be formed when an existing couple decides to open the relationship and find a third partner. The second option is for the two metamours to start dating, changing the structure from vee to triad.
The last form or type of polyamory is quad. Here, there are four people that are connected to each other in some manner. There are numerous ways to form a quad, and it can be a triad opening the relationship and deciding to add another person. The most common way is when two swinging couples start dating, forming a quad. There are also hierarchical relationships, where a person will place more importance on one partner, non-hierarchical, which is the opposite, and others.
How They Avoid Relationship Issues
One of the first things monogamous people might ask is how do poly people avoid relationship issues? It seems that having four people instead of just two will only add more problems. So what is the way of avoiding issues when in a polyamorous relationship? The first and most important thing is to ensure that everyone is on the same page.
Needless to say, if one person is against polyamory, the relationship will not work. However, they also need to ensure that they follow the same structure. One of the first things you should erase from your mind if you are interested in polyamory is fairness. By fairness, we mean you can’t expect a person to spend the same amount of time with both (or more) partners.
There are numerous factors that will impact their decisions, especially if they have children, jobs, wives, and so on. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want to spend time with you, but it is sometimes impossible to be everywhere at the same time. Measuring time will only lead to jealousy and problems.
A similar thing applies to creating rules as well. As with any other type of relationship, there should be rules and boundaries. You should let your fear decide what they are. Among the most common problems is the fear of being replaced, and people often set boundaries to tackle this fear.
While the feeling is completely normal, you should focus on getting rid of it. If you manage to do it, you will be able to experience the true freedom of polyamory. Finally, communication is the key to success. If there’s anything you need to say, just say it. Don’t use your secondary relationship as a defense mechanism and as a way of escaping problems.
Myths About Polyamory
As is the case with anything that isn’t according to standards or what the majority believes in, there are many myths and misconceptions about polyamory. The first and most common one is believing that it’s all about sex. People who are in polyamorous relationships are a dream-come-true for those in stale relationships, and they believe that it’s a fuck-buffet. However, the truth is the opposite. It is not impossible for someone to be in love with more than one person, and most polyamorous relationships are deeper than “all-you-can-fuck.”
This also leads to a second misconception that polyamory is for people who aren’t willing to commit. This doesn’t have to be true. Some are more than willing to commit and go all-in but with two people, and that’s perfectly fine.
Similarly, monogamous people often imagine polyamory as a series of orgies, but that depends on the type of relationship. For example, in a vee relationship, the two partners will usually have nothing with one another, which means that there will be no orgies at all.
Those focused on traditional relationships believe that these types of relationships can never work in the long run and that humans are jealous by nature. Of course, this is another thing that’s just a myth. There are numerous people that find this lifestyle appealing, and for them, it is the answer to all of their problems. It goes without saying that it can work in the long term as long as every partner is on the same page.